December 20. 11:21 AM.
Scott had A Plan. He was going to get to Hell whether Candy liked it or not. He didn’t know the other details of this Plan, but he figured he could make it up along the way. Right now he was looking at hiding in an overhead storage compartment on the bus – though that might be a bit cramped – or bribing the bus driver. There was the possibility of seducing the driver as well, but he was a man with standards, after all. Maybe he would just be scary and force his way in. This remained to be seen.
The large clock on the wall opposite him informed Scott that the bus was due in forty-six seconds. He checked his watch to confirm this and paced back and forth a bit while he waited.
Thirty-two seconds later the bus appeared over the crest on a hill and forty-six seconds later it whooshed to a stop directly in front of Scott and opened its doors.
Calmly and resolutely, he floated up the stairs, smiled pleasantly at the driver, and took a seat. The driver ignored him completely. The bus sat idling for a few moments. The driver rose, walked slowly to where Scott was sitting, and faced him, expression blank.
“Ticket?” he asked in monotone.
“Er,” Scott responded. “About that, you see…” He coughed. “The ticket saleswoman’s an old lady friend and she’s not too fond of me of late.” He offered an innocent ‘what can you do?’ look.
The driver stared at him, face still blank. “Ticket.”
“Would you settle for cash?” Scott asked hopefully.
“Ticket,” the driver insisted.
Scott glared at him. “I haven’t slept in three days. I am a ghost. I have been stabbed in the back by a pair of stiletto heels. I can’t take my bloody sunglasses off. I am starved and I am homeless. Don’t mess with me.”
The driver considered this poor reference to Miss Congeniality. Points for effort, though, he though.
Besides, ghosts couldn’t carry tickets, so it really wasn’t logical. He shrugged and walked to the front of the bus, taking his seat. Scott congratulated himself on the good work and settled down. The doors closed and they were off.
The ride was short. Five minutes later, they pulled into two high wrought iron gates. A sign beside it read, “Welcome to Hell. Enjoy your stay.” Below it, in smaller lettering were the words “Comments and complaints forms are available in the Main Office upon request.”
What an accommodating place.
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